Tuesday, September 14, 2010

it's ironic


I am passionate about both motherhood and sewing. I think I found my niche. The funny thing is that this is exactly the opposite of how I envisioned my life. For those of you that o not know, I was raised from the age of 11 on by my father, a single dad. I, as you can imagine, did not witness firsthand homemaking or mothering skills. During the time that my father was raising me, I had little if any contact from my own mother. Our relationship is healing and growing as an adult, but as a young woman, I was hurting. I was always searching for a mother, always. I think this lack of mothering impacted me greatly as a mother now. When my first daughter was born, my heart was heavy with the burden of being everything that I always longed for. My focus changed, as usually happens when people start having children. I sought out everything I could find on being the mother I was meant to be, passionately. I received a lot of mothering and council for my mother in law Becky, who I still get council from to this day. I purposed never to take my children for granted. Through my mothering them, I have received a lot of comfort. I feel like I am able to somehow make-up for all of my hurt and longing as a child.

In high school, I had big dreams to be famous, not really sure what for, famous for being famous I guess. I went into college with the mindset of becoming an anchor woman on CNN, or Fox news. I was going to be a cooperate woman. After a couple of semester in college I could not shake the the urge to switch to education. I fought it but finally surrendered to that calling. I finished up my degree in education, and still had big plans. I was looking into getting my masters, to move up the ladder. I was not just going to be a teacher, but a principal or superintendent. Well, then I had my first baby a little after I graduated. Like many moms, I did not want to leave her, and my husband was in total agreement. Since I surrendered to the idea of full time motherhood, I decided why not have another, and another and another. We now have four, and I can't say that it is easy, but I guess I did not expect it to be. I can say that I am passionate about motherhood, and I am willing to be everything that I am called to be for them.

So, to me it is very ironic, that a motherless young lady full of selfish ambition, is now happy and content to stay at home, and be a homemaker. With my own lack of direction in the art of homemaking I have been free to develop things and do things my own way. This sometimes works, and sometimes not...but life is learn as you go right?

2 comments:

  1. Oh Rachel, I don't even know what to say about what you wrote! I remember well how hard everrything was for you all, and reading this brings so muchh flooding back... I wish things had been more "ideal" for you, but those hard times are what maade you the amazing woman and mother you are today!

    Love,
    Ali

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  2. Thank you Ali, for the comment, yes, I survived all of that for a reason. I have worked really hard, but I have also surrendered and let go of many things.

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