Tuesday, September 14, 2010

it's ironic

I am passionate about both motherhood and sewing. I think I found my niche. The funny thing is that this is exactly the opposite of how I envisioned my life. For those of you that o not know, I was raised from the age of 11 on by my father, a single dad. I, as you can imagine, did not witness firsthand homemaking or mothering skills. During the time that my father was raising me, I had little if any contact from my own mother. Our relationship is healing and growing as an adult, but as a young woman, I was hurting. I was always searching for a mother, always. I think this lack of mothering impacted me greatly as a mother now. When my first daughter was born, my heart was heavy with the burden of being everything that I always longed for. My focus changed, as usually happens when people start having children. I sought out everything I could find on being the mother I was meant to be, passionately. I received a lot of mothering and council for my mother in law Becky, who I still get council from to this day. I purposed never to take my children for granted. Through my mothering them, I have received a lot of comfort. I feel like I am able to somehow make-up for all of my hurt and longing as a child.

In high school, I had big dreams to be famous, not really sure what for, famous for being famous I guess. I went into college with the mindset of becoming an anchor woman on CNN, or Fox news. I was going to be a cooperate woman. After a couple of semester in college I could not shake the the urge to switch to education. I fought it but finally surrendered to that calling. I finished up my degree in education, and still had big plans. I was looking into getting my masters, to move up the ladder. I was not just going to be a teacher, but a principal or superintendent. Well, then I had my first baby a little after I graduated. Like many moms, I did not want to leave her, and my husband was in total agreement. Since I surrendered to the idea of full time motherhood, I decided why not have another, and another and another. We now have four, and I can't say that it is easy, but I guess I did not expect it to be. I can say that I am passionate about motherhood, and I am willing to be everything that I am called to be for them.

So, to me it is very ironic, that a motherless young lady full of selfish ambition, is now happy and content to stay at home, and be a homemaker. With my own lack of direction in the art of homemaking I have been free to develop things and do things my own way. This sometimes works, and sometimes not...but life is learn as you go right?


  1. Oh Rachel, I don't even know what to say about what you wrote! I remember well how hard everrything was for you all, and reading this brings so muchh flooding back... I wish things had been more "ideal" for you, but those hard times are what maade you the amazing woman and mother you are today!


  2. Thank you Ali, for the comment, yes, I survived all of that for a reason. I have worked really hard, but I have also surrendered and let go of many things.